


neither fish nor flesh

by inverse



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Gen, Horror, M/M, Minor Character Death, Psychological Horror, Sirens, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 12:55:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14811774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inverse/pseuds/inverse
Summary: A large aquarium sat in the middle of the hall in Rin’s house, stretching from the floor to the third-floor ceiling, shiny glass on all sides, much like the kind you would find at a particularly classy shopping mall. There was a siren living in it.(This is primarily a story about a siren that lives in a big mansion. Ship tags apply secondarily. Please read author's note for more details.)





	neither fish nor flesh

**Author's Note:**

> **BEFORE YOU BEGIN, PLEASE TAKE NOTE:**
> 
>  
> 
> Remember when S2 aired and we got a deluge of fanwork featuring Haru as a mermaid because of the ED? (Quite possibly there were also such fanworks pre-S2, but in a smaller quantity, and also I digress.) Possessed by an unrelenting streak of morbidity, I wanted to take the mermaid-as-creature idea to its logical conclusion -- how would you treat an animal that essentially had a beautiful, human face if you were unable to prove that it was cognitively equally human, even if it showed signs of intelligence? What if they were widely captured, traded, then kept as pets and companions? This fic is about the implications of that idea.
> 
> No real romantic action takes place, but ships have been tagged for those who might be interested: Sourin (friends with benefits), Souharu (it happened in a dream), Rinharu (status: ambiguous), Makoharu (if you squint). Someone is in a quasi-relationship with the ambiguously intelligent siren and this might raise issues of consent, though in this fic, it is in a non-sexual context. It also features light vore imagery. If none of the above appeals to you, **please do not read it**.
> 
> That said, if you think you might enjoy something like this, then by all means -- onward! This is staggeringly pretentious and I am somewhat self-conscious about posting it, but it's something i've never tried writing before, and I am happy to strike an old WIP off the record. And hey, it's still Mermay in my timezone! Happy Mermay.

A large aquarium sat in the middle of the hall in Rin’s house, stretching from the floor to the third-floor ceiling, shiny glass on all sides, much like the kind you would find at a particularly classy shopping mall. There was a siren living in it.

Rin’s father was an extremely successful fisherman. He owned a siren-fishing business that was worth billions of dollars, having caught his first siren in the cold seas of Hokkaido. Sirens were worth a lot of money. There was an intense ongoing debate about the rights that they were entitled to because of their resemblance to humans, but scientific trials had reportedly proven time and again that the structures of their brains were almost identical to that of fish, that they had no individual will and acted on animal instinct. Hence, they were allowed to be traded as domesticated animals, and only as domesticated animals, because of the huge demand and the large amount of profits that they generated. Animal rights groups and animal traders lobbied equally hard for their causes, but it was the businesses that won in the end. Nonetheless, it was very difficult to get one’s hands on a siren. Licences were awarded to qualified traders and buyers alike, and such licences were given out on a very stringent basis, with the applicants needing to fulfil exacting criteria and their eligibility reviewed every four to five years. Of course, the black market for such exotic creatures was also very active. So much money changed hands and so frequently that the authorities were either unable or unwilling to crack down on the perpetrators.

Rin’s siren was called Haru. It was short for “Haruka”, the kanji for “faraway”, because Haru was found in the waters off the shore of a faraway fishing village in the Japanese countryside. Haru would have fetched a lot of money if he’d been sold to any buyer worth their salt. Males were rare, even among sirens. It so happened that a twelve-year-old Rin was also present when the fishermen returned from that very expedition. He had taken a curious look at the day’s haul, pointed at Haru, the rarest catch that day, and said, “Dad, can I have this one?”

Sousuke could still recall when Rin’s father first brought Haru home. Rin would not shut up about it in class for the entire week, and Sousuke, who had never seen a siren in his whole life except for the one time his parents brought him to the local aquarium, quietly swallowed his jealousy as Rin kept going on about it. Whenever the issue was brought up, he would reply with a nonchalant “It’s no big deal, I’ve seen one before,” or turn away childishly whenever Rin’s descriptions of his newly-acquired pet enraptured the rest of their classmates.

His very first opportunity to see Haru arose when Rin invited him over to finish a school project. He’d mentally steeled himself before going over, promising himself that he would not take more than a couple of glances at the creature (because what was there to see that he hadn’t already seen?). After he’d taken off his shoes at the patio and stalked down the hallway after Rin, however, he arrived at the aquarium. It was emanating a faint bluish glow. In front of the gigantic structure, he felt dwarfed. It was not as large as the one at the public aquarium, but it was much more elaborately constructed and decorated, and felt more like a prized display than a frigid scientific exhibition. All manners of sea life could be found – different types of seaweed and coral littered the floor of the aquarium, even several tiny starfish, and schools of small, colourful tropical fish swam through the waters.

Then there was the star attraction. Sensing that he had guests, the siren made his way to the bottom of the aquarium where they could both see him up close, his slender arms cutting a path through the waters with a few graceful strokes. His tail was a bright aquamarine, the scales taking on a slight green or purple hue as it undulated. He couldn’t have been more than a year older or younger than they were, or rather, that was how he looked, but Sousuke didn’t really know how sirens aged. For all he knew, maybe Haru was just two years old in siren years. Haru’s tail swept up dusty particles among the weeds as he settled at the bottom of the aquarium, bracing his palms against the glass. His hands were just like human hands, lines across his palms and whorls on his fingertips, and his shoulders were slight. He stared at Sousuke curiously, hair a swirling black halo around his head, as if Sousuke was the specimen of interest instead.

“Pretty, right?” Rin said proudly, voice cracking in his hurry to say it. He tapped on the glass twice, and Haru’s attention shifted. “Come here, Haru! Come over here.”

Sousuke watched as Haru keened his forehead against the glass where Rin touched it, tail curling and unfurling repeatedly as he struggled against the enclosure, seemingly having no idea what was coming between Rin and himself. It only made sense that Haru seemed so attached because he’d been living in Rin’s home for some time after all, but it still made Sousuke feel that strange twinge of jealousy, as if he’d lost in a contest. It was that immature feeling of defeat when one is unable to make someone’s pet dog or infant nephew take a liking to oneself immediately.

They finished their project at an alarming pace and spent the rest of the afternoon watching Haru swim up and down and around the aquarium, trying to get his attention. At some points Rin looked like he was going to tease Sousuke for being so captivated, but voicing that would have made him a hypocrite, and Sousuke allowed himself to feel the tiniest bit smug about that.

 

*

 

“Hey,” said Sousuke, tapping his fingernail against the glass. “Psst. I’ve come to visit you.” He kept his finger there.

Haru swam up to him and, with the usual look of bored suspicion that he always gave Sousuke, lined one fingertip up with Sousuke’s. It had become a ritual of theirs over the years every time Sousuke went over to Rin’s, and Haru had become really good at it, despite all the pseudoscience that was being circulated about sirens having no fine motor skills. Maybe Haru was just individually talented. Sousuke drew random lines and shapes on the glass, and watched as Haru matched him stroke for stroke.

“You get better at this every time,” he muttered, and Haru glared at him.

In the ten years that had since passed, Haru had become, in short, a thoroughly unlovable creature. That was Sousuke’s own opinion, of course. Who knew where the adorable, curious, bright-eyed Haru had gone – maybe it was the ennui of being stuck in the four walls of an aquarium for the last decade of his life, living the same life day after day with no hope of escape. Nonetheless, at just a little over twenty years of age, he seemed to be maturing into the very stuff of legends passed down from sailors returning from turbulent journeys at sea, the very example of the kind of fiendishly beautiful creature that would stun even the most stoic of captains into navigating right into the hearts of storms and waterspouts, all glowing skin and piercing gaze. It would always take a while to tear your eyes away from him even if you really wanted to, and then even after that you’d want to have a second look. It was only a natural reaction, but Sousuke hated that he occasionally fell victim to it all the same.

Sousuke walked away from the aquarium and left Haru to his own devices. Rin was upstairs in his room and he’d told Sousuke to look for him whenever he arrived. They’d remained good friends ever since elementary school and Sousuke had now been to Rin’s home so many times it felt like his second home. Even Rin’s family felt like a second family to him. Rin’s father, Rin’s mother, Rin’s little sister Gou – they all treated him like an additional member of the family.

Which made him wonder how they’d react if they found out that he was fucking around with Rin on a semi-regular basis.

He ascended the long, spiralling stairs all the way up to the third floor, then headed for Rin’s room, which was right at the end of the corridor. Rin was working on an assignment when he entered, so he said hi, dumped his backpack on the floor, and leapt onto Rin’s bed.

“Sorry, give me like ten minutes,” Rin told him. “I just need to finish writing this section.”

After that, Sousuke let Rin bitch and moan about the new professor for one of his classes as he silently worked his way through an entire bag of salt and vinegar potato chips. while listening. Personally, he didn’t think Rin had anything to worry about. Who the fuck cared about grades when they were about to inherit a vast fishing business empire? Rin, however, was a competitive perfectionist who had constantly set the highest of standards for himself since he was a kid, so Sousuke didn’t see the point in telling Rin to sit back, relax, and wait for the day when he could boss over his father’s employees.

When Rin’s tirade finally ended, he asked, “You wanna do it?”

“Dude, it’s almost dinnertime,” Rin replied, putting down his Coke.

“I just thought you could use a little stress relief,” Sousuke said. He took a look at his watch. “It’s not gonna be dinnertime for another hour at least. How about it?”

“Fine, fine,” Rin grumbled, but leaned in towards Sousuke for a kiss nonetheless, sliding a warm hand up his T-shirt.

Sousuke wouldn’t exactly say that they were dating. At the most, they were friends with benefits. Best friends with benefits. Rin could get married right away the next day and Sousuke would probably still be his best man, and if the opposite occurred, it would still be the same. It was safe to say that neither of them had romantic feelings for each other. When they started sharing a dorm room in the all-boys middle school that they both went to, they discovered that having someone jerk you off was much better than jerking off alone. Once they had gotten over the initial awkwardness, things quickly escalated. Most of the time it was just handjobs and blowjobs. They never messed around if they were dating other people. If Rin ever got married in the future, Sousuke would want to let his partner know that he was into pegging, but that would just open a whole can of worms as to how he knew that. So on and so forth.

They took a quick shower afterwards. Rin complained nonstop about Sousuke getting potato chip grease on his dick. Then they changed into some fresh clothes and went downstairs to watch some TV before dinner was ready. Haru’s aquarium was visible from the entrance to Rin’s room – the aquarium stretched all the way up through the hall, which spanned all three stories of the house. His tail could be seen right at the very top of it, swaying back and forth like a happy, eager pup’s, so Sousuke assumed that it was probably also dinnertime for him. The attic that was right above the aquarium had been converted into something like a maintenance room for the aquarium, and Haru’s caretakers could feed him there and also enter the tank to clean it from time to time. All under the employ of Rin’s father’s company, of course.

The primetime news was on. First the international headlines, then some reports about the regional economy and the stock market, and then an interesting bit of news. Rin scowled and continued towelling his hair as the news anchor delivered her report. Japan was strongly considering the ratification of an international agreement prohibiting the trade of endangered wildlife. The efforts of animal protection groups the world over had been gaining momentum, particularly in the last five years, and many governments were quickly being pressured into doing the ethical thing. If the agreement were to be passed, and things were starting to look that way, that meant that exotic animal trade in countries that were signatories would become one hundred percent illegal, no exceptions.

Sousuke watched in silence as the report continued. A foreign lobbyist was being interviewed, her speech appearing in translated subtitles at the bottom of the screen: “The agreement will apply retroactively in the best-case scenario. Many countries participating in the talks routinely maintain a registry of traders in order to make sure that wildlife trade is restricted to the most qualified of purchasers, but we hope that these registries will help to identify current private owners of endangered creatures. We will seek their cooperation in this matter. It is imperative that the public understands that such endangered species should be allowed to propagate in the wild and in their natural habitats, and not in captivity, and any state ownership and care of these creatures is a commitment to furthering this cause.”

Before the news anchor could launch into the next segment about a piece of news that had gone viral recently – a siren in Switzerland had drowned its owner in its enclosure, and it was unknown whether by accident or on purpose – Rin changed the channel. Sousuke pretended to cough and cleared his throat.

He let the jingle of a fried chicken advertisement wash over them before he asked, “How’s your dad taking this news?”

“It’s not going to be a big overall blow to his business if it happens, since the expeditions are expensive and we don’t do them so often anymore,” Rin said curtly, keeping his eyes trained on the television screen. “He’s got the other arms of it left, after all – the ornamental fish business, maintaining supplies for the F&B industry, our existing stakes in other fisheries. Personally, though, I’d hate to see it happen, you know?” He turned to look at the aquarium in all its animated, colourful glory and then sighed, looking deflated. “It’s probably selfish of me, and it might be something trivial in the grand scheme of things, but Haru’s been with us for so many years. We care for him really well too. I know he’s happy here.”

Sousuke couldn’t think of anything to say that might comfort Rin. He turned towards the aquarium as well. Up above, Haru’s tail thrashed violently, sending ripples throughout the water, as if in agreement with what Rin had said.

Dinner was served shortly afterwards. There was at least one exquisite fish dish every time Sousuke dined with the Matsuokas. That day it was black cod grilled with miso, cooked to buttery perfection. It was delicious, but Sousuke hoarded the Iberico pork cutlets to himself anyway.

 

*

 

Sousuke had seen Haru eat once.

It was a few months after Haru had moved into the aquarium. Sousuke trekked to Rin’s home in the thick of winter. It had already begun snowing, and his father’s car had been sent to the mechanic’s for repair after the wheels froze over during a particularly heavy overnight snowstorm that hit the town by surprise. He’d have to travel some way backwards if he took the train to the next station, so he decided to just walk the full twenty minutes and play with the snow on the way.

Neither Rin nor Gou were anywhere to be seen when he arrived. One of the housemaids informed him that they were helping the aquarium’s maintainers with feeding the fish. She brought him up to the attic, which no longer resembled anything like an attic – the stairs led directly to a pristinely clean and white interior, which was revealed after a door in the floor had been flipped over. Shelves lined the walls, laden with tools and equipment which Sousuke did not recognise. He’d heard from Rin that seawater would be transported every now and then in order to replenish the water supply. It all seemed like too much trouble, but apparently plans to build the aquarium had already been under way even before the Matsuokas had adopted Haru. Rin’s father often invited business partners over to the mansion and it was a good way to impress them and to reinforce that he was wholly devoted to his trade, even having a piece of it at home, so to speak. A siren in the tank was simply icing on the cake.

Gou peeked out from behind one of the caretakers with a bashful “Sousuke-niichan”, and Rin tossed a pair of fishing boots in his direction. Everyone present was squelching across the damp floor in a pair of those. In the middle of the floor the large, square door of a hatch leading to the interior of the aquarium had been thrown open. The room was damp with the smell of saltwater.

“You’re just in time!” Rin said brightly. “Wanna try feeding Haru?”

“Really? Can I?” Sousuke asked, putting on the boots. It was warm and humid inside the room, and his cheeks were tingling from the change in temperatures.

There was a bucket of squirming fish from which Haru was supposed to feed. It really wasn’t that much unlike how he’d seen animals being fed at the zoo. He thrust a gloved hand into the bucket (“You have to make him come up and get it, he needs the exercise,” smiled the caretaker), grabbed hold of one wriggly, reluctant fish that somehow seemed like it knew it was going to meet its maker, and dangled it above the open hatch. From where he was standing, the aquarium looked like it extended all the way into a vast, infinite darkness, though he knew it was just a trick of the eye. He was going to have to be careful not to fall in. He could see a murky shape in the depths that looked just like Haru, circling in anticipation.

Gou made a sound between a shriek and a squeak when Haru dove out from beneath to claim his prize right out of Sousuke’s hands with surprising agility, then dived back in, spraying everybody with water. If not for the caretaker’s steadying hands on his shoulders, Sousuke would probably have slipped and fallen into the aquarium. Haru then reemerged from the hatch with one slick movement of his tail, waist-deep in the tank, already gnawing on his lunch as everyone crowded around him.

“That’s a good boy,” Rin grinned, patting Haru on the head as he chewed, and Gou reached out to do the same in mimicry. Sousuke stood aside, watching, still a little shocked from almost falling into the aquarium, a little stunned by the adrenaline of feeding such a large creature by hand, and now a little disturbed by Haru, by all means looking just like any other elementary school student who went to school with them, mouth and teeth and chin stained red with blood as he ripped into the helpless, twitching mackerel, which he held in his small hands. His incisors were longer than Sousuke’s own – all his teeth, in fact, sharper than Sousuke’s own, slightly pointy at the ends. Sousuke watched with morbid curiosity as the fish spasmed, its tail jerking in all directions in an unnatural series of motions. The excitement that he’d felt just seconds earlier had completely withered away at the sight. Haru’s sharp, catlike blue eyes were focused on his prey even through all the fawning he was being subjected to, large and unwavering. The metallic tang and salty, rotting odour wafting off from the unlucky fish hit Sousuke’s nose, making him gag involuntarily. Didn’t anybody else find it disconcerting?

He wanted to go out into the backyard and make some snowmen already.

 

*

 

“All that stuff you hear about sirens being just about as intelligent as the average fish is … well, to put it mildly, it’s misinformation, as well as a generalisation,” Makoto smiled, stirring his coffee. His hair was still slightly damp. “The results of the study that purported so were never really corroborated elsewhere, if what I’ve heard from my coworkers is correct.”

Makoto was one of the caretakers who came to maintain the aquarium periodically. It was just him today. Rin had invited him to join them for coffee during their study break. He was the same age as they were, but already had a few years of experience working with marine life, coming from a seaside town just like the one where Haru was found. Just an hour ago they were watching him clean the filters in the aquarium in a scuba suit while Haru swam around him in a half-baked effort at distraction.

“I just can’t get over the fact that they look so much like humans, even after all these years,” Sousuke commented. He looked at Rin, then continued, “No offence, but I wouldn’t keep a fellow human being in a tank. You know, how’d sirens come about, anyway? Did some horny, stranded fisherman have sex with a seabass one thousand years ago? What if they’re the underwater civilisation scientists have theorised about for decades? What if they’re highly evolved beings that have come to replace humankind?”

Rin shot Sousuke a tired look of exasperation.

“Sousuke, they just aren’t capable of lucid thought like we are. It has been proven.”

“True, the possibility of them coming together in revolt is quite unlikely,” Makoto laughed. “But I do think they’re much smarter than we give them credit for. They make excellent companions, and they’re surprisingly easy to take care of. Few exhibit aggressive behaviour, and they adapt very well to different environments. They’re quick learners too. They’re trained to perform at some public aquariums – not that it’s a practice that I approve of, but that’s proof that they can put their minds to work. I realise this sounds like a description of most domesticated animals, but it’s just part of my experience after years of being around them. And over the years I do feel that they seem to have some kind of empathic connection with human beings. Whether it’s because of any innate ability for nonverbal expression and communication, or whether it’s because of our resemblance to their own species – that I do not know.”

“I really don’t think that’s the case,” Rin said with a hint of finality in his voice, signalling that the discussion was over. “Sorry, I have to return a call.”

They watched him leave the dining room.

“He’s quite stressed lately, you know,” Sousuke explained once he thought Rin was out of earshot. “Horrible time at school. Everything sets him off.”

Makoto nodded. “It’s okay. It was probably something that he couldn’t quite accept, being raised in a family that has always dealt in such a business. Maybe I shouldn’t have said any of that. The recent news about the trading ban must have affected him a little, right?” He took a sip of his coffee, then sighed deeply. “I’d be upset to see Haru gone, too. But after working in this field for a while, I’m starting to think that the changes might be for the better. I’m sure you’ve at least heard of a few cases of abuse directed at sirens, particularly because of their resemblance to us. That’s just the stories that make their way out into publication. People kill sirens for their flesh too, especially when they’re being handled in the black market, just like any other endangered animal that’s prized for being a delicacy.”

“That’s disgusting! I wouldn’t able to eat something like that.”

“At the end of the day, they’re classified as animals for practical purposes, you know? There are people who think that they can get anything as long as they have enough money. Unfortunately we haven’t been able to find out anything conclusive about sirens as of yet, especially with regard to their similarities to humans. I suppose the ambiguity is what’s being taken advantage of here.” He turned to Sousuke, then asked wonderingly, “What do you think Haru would have to say about all this?”

“Haru? He probably wouldn’t actually care much, would he? He never looks interested in anything. Except when he’s being fed.”

Makoto chuckled. “You’re right. I don’t know why, but lately I’ve been thinking about what’s on his mind every time I meet him. Though it’s likely he’s not thinking anything at all.”

Sousuke frowned and gulped down the rest of his coffee. All this was really beyond his understanding. He stared at the dregs at the bottom of his cup.

After Makoto left, Sousuke thought he’d go look for Rin. He was probably upstairs in his room. If not, then maybe the balcony on the second floor, where he sometimes went to have some quiet. Or maybe he was in the study. As he passed through the living room, he noticed that Haru was floating around the bottom of the aquarium. Makoto had probably just said goodbye to him. The late afternoon sunlight filtering in through the windows glinted off his tail. Sousuke approached him, and, in the vein of their usual little pastime, started drawing circles on the surface of the glass. Haru returned the gesture, eyes glued to the continuous loop of circles that Sousuke made.

“You’re a troublesome fellow, you,” Sousuke murmured. “What are you? Why are you even here?”

A few seconds later Haru got bored of drawing circles over and over again and swam away without a second glance at Sousuke.

 

*

 

Before a siren is put up for sale, its vocal cords are tied. Sirens do not speak per se, but when panicked or distressed they can, like any other threatened animal, release a song-like cry that can reach up to a hundred decibels, which is said to have a hypnotic effect that can severely impair judgment. For that reason, those travelling in siren-infested waters often don special hearing equipment. During attempts at capture, sirens are often stunned with tranquilisers at a distance, and from their blind spots in order to prevent the triggering of this phenomenon.

Nothing happened for the few months that passed after the initial brouhaha that surrounded the news regarding the trading ban. It was probably not of much concern to the average citizen, but to the Matsuokas, it was an issue that they had to keep an eye on. Now it appeared that progress regarding the matter was likely to be slow, with officials headbutting over the contents of the agreement, but the Matsuoka business had nonetheless, in what might have been a preemptive measure, long stopped operations to capture sirens, choosing instead to focus on other ventures.

That the agreement was slow to take effect – it could take years to implement, and years after that to enforce – was a stroke of good luck, but that luck was bound to run out inevitably. Nevertheless Rin’s good cheer returned slightly as the issue fell out of public scrutiny, and the minor bout of friction that he had with Makoto back then disappeared into thin air. Makoto, of course, continued to diligently carry on his duties as one of the aquarium’s caretakers. Sousuke would see him around the house occasionally, if he came by, and Makoto would always greet him with his usual smile and his permanently pleasant disposition.

Rin’s father became increasingly occupied at work, having to deal with all the administrative changes that came with the shift in the industry landscape. Sousuke saw less and less of him every time he visited.

“I hope your father’s not overworking himself,” he commented one day as Rin blew him.

“Let’s not talk about this now,” Rin glared up at him from where he was lying down prone on the bed between Sousuke’s legs.

“Okay, okay, sorry,” Sousuke replied. He lay back down on the mattress, pillowing his head with his hands, and stared at the ceiling as Rin went to work on his cock.

He sat up after he came, lunging over to reach for Rin’s belt buckle so he could take Rin’s jeans off, but Rin refused.

“I’m not hard, Sousuke,” he said, spitting the come out onto the palm of his hand. “Sorry. I’m not in the mood today. It’s fine.”

“What?” Sousuke said. “You could have said something beforehand, you know. I wouldn’t have minded. It’s weird if I’m the only one who – you know.”

Rin rolled his eyes. “It’s not a big deal. Shower?”

As Rin passed him the soap in the shower, Sousuke tried to recall the last few times they’d had sex. The frequency of the occurrences had decreased, and indeed Sousuke had noticed that Rin had become less and less enthused about it. Was he dating somebody? No way. If he was dating somebody he would have said so. Sousuke would already have met the other party at least once. He figured that it was because they were both older now, and the entire affair had become much less intriguing than it was than when they were wide-eyed, inexperienced teenagers. That was to be expected. Maybe he’d hold out a little for the next few weeks to see if Rin’s attitude about it returned to normal. If not, then perhaps he could safely assume that Rin was over it.

He just wished Rin had said something. It was completely fine if he’d lost interest in the whole thing. Sousuke didn’t want anybody giving him blowjobs out of obligation. He should talk to Rin about this sometime, and honestly, he too felt that maybe they’d really grown out of it, and it was time for a change.

“Sousuke,” Rin said, interrupting his reverie. “Sousuke, pass me my towel, please. Hello?”

The evening passed without any mention of the event. They helped Gou out with an essay, played video games for a couple of hours, then turned in without doing any work. The weekend was coming up anyway. Sousuke slept on the floor in the middle of Rin’s room, on the spare mattress he always used when he spent the night, while Rin snored away next to him on his own bed.

 

*

 

Sousuke woke up in the middle of the night.

He’d awakened for no reason whatsoever. The only sound he could hear was the buzz of insects coming from outside. They’d switched off the air conditioning before going to bed, so the room had become very warm. Sousuke sat up, wanting to open the door so it’d be cooler, but once he did, he realised something odd.

Rin wasn’t in bed.

He’d probably gone to the bathroom. Sousuke wasn’t about to go looking for him, that was for sure. He rubbed his eyes and unlocked the screen on his phone. It was just past 2 a.m. – barely an hour after they’d gone to sleep. Propping himself up on the palms of his hands, he closed his eyes and thought about falling back into bed. Then he crawled off the mattress, opened the door, and went downstairs to the kitchen to get a drink of water.

The house was dead silent. Even his light footsteps made soft pattering sounds on the wooden stairs as he descended. He hoped that he wouldn’t set off the alarm. He and Rin had triggered it once as kids while trying to sneak a few midnight snacks upstairs, and it had woken up the whole household. Quietly he made his way across the hall and into the kitchen and tried to reduce the clatter as he eased a glass off the crockery rack. He filled it with water, squinting in the dark to make sure that he didn’t spill any, then walked back into the hall, thinking that he’d spend a moment to see what Haru was doing. He was so groggy he didn’t look too closely at the aquarium the first time round. Haru didn’t need to sleep. Sousuke thought he’d watch Haru for a while, just for fun.

The aquarium was empty too. All that remained of it was the ten-metre tall column of water, slightly luminescent in the dark, tiny swarms of angelfish and tetra milling at the bottom. Haru had to be at the top, but Sousuke couldn’t see that far without the lights turned on.

He waited a while more. Maybe Haru would swim back downwards. But he didn’t. Shaking his head, Sousuke downed the rest of his water, then washed the glass. Then he went back upstairs, careful not to trip over anything. He clutched the banister for support. Fish floated if they were dead, didn’t they? Maybe it would be a good idea to go to the attic, just to make sure everything was okay, even if he didn’t like the place all that much. He knew how to open the hatch. The key was in the cabinet closest to it, and there was a large wooden lever to help flip it over. He could manage that much, just to see if Haru was fine.

There was nothing out of the ordinary for most of Sousuke’s trip to the attic. As he approached his destination, however, he found that the door had been thrown open. He heard sounds. Talking, at a consistently low volume. He paused. Carefully he padded up the last flight of stairs, making sure that his steps were near silent. Eventually he was able to peek out near the top, eyes level with the attic floor.

Several metres away, sitting at the edge of the tank, sweats rolled up to his knees and calves in the water, was Rin. And nestled in the triangle of space between his thighs was Haru, looking up at Rin with a perennially inscrutable expression. The refraction of the water enveloped them in a cold, blue glow, and the dark circles under Rin’s eyes looked especially prominent as he hunched over Haru.

Sousuke didn’t dare breathe. He had obviously intruded on something private. Rin never looked at Haru the way he did now when others were around, not when Sousuke was around, not even his own family – like Haru was the only thing that held any meaning in the world. As if this space he shared with Haru now his true reality and everything else an illusion. He would probably not notice a thing if the attic were to collapse around them. Sousuke tried to pace his breathing, inhaling shallowly, terrified that he might make his presence known. But neither could he tear his eyes away from the sight that so fully warranted his attention nor could he move a finger.

“I don’t know what I’d do if they took you away,” Rin said. He sounded dejected – hopeless, even, in a tone of voice that Sousuke had never heard him speak with. Was this the same Rin he knew? Rin reached out with one hand to gently scratch Haru under his chin, and Haru closed his eyes in pleasure, eyelids fluttering, like a contented cat.

“They want dad to set an example,” Rin continued, fingers moving upwards to brush over one soft, pale cheek. Sousuke’s hand was still on the banister. His palms were starting to sweat, making the wood slippery. “He’s an industry leader, and if he gave up his rights, they’re convinced people will follow suit. They’d send you to the conservationists. I don’t know what they’d do with you there. Put you in an exhibit. Send you back to the wild, to the islands. Make an example of you. I don’t want that. You’ll be all alone. You’ll have to fend for yourself. They’re going to hurt you. They don’t care about what will happen to you.”

Sousuke felt upset on his behalf. Rin had always been a huge crybaby, often tearing up at the drop of a hat, but here he looked disconsolate, as if he didn’t even have the energy to fight what was clearly out of his control. Haru continued to look at him, unable to make a sound, but there was understanding in those unwavering, intelligent eyes of his.

“You understand what I’m saying, right?” Rin said, voice dropping to a fevered hush. He moved his hands to cradle Haru’s face. Haru neither confirmed nor denied this through any gesture, but his eyes continued to search Rin’s own. Sousuke felt a chill up his spine, the sensation spreading through his back, up his neck, as if his nerves had been hooked up to a live wire. “You understand us. I know that. You’ve been with us so long that there’s nothing I don’t know about you. But despite that, you’re happy here with us, aren’t you? I hate thinking about the possibility that you might detest being here. That you might resent us for keeping you away from where you came from. You have to tell me if you feel that way, Haru. The last thing I want for you is to be unhappy.”

In hindsight, Sousuke should have expected Haru’s response, but at that very moment it was too startling for him to truly digest. He watched as Haru tilted his face upwards, his mouth meeting Rin’s, back curving into a graceful arc to lean into the shape of Rin’s warm, sweater-clad body, and they kissed each other slowly, tenderly, like old, familiar lovers. What a picture they made in that moment, melting into each other, as if trying to sublimate into one single being, willing their blood to course through each other’s veins. It felt as if time had stopped. Sousuke’s heart was beating so quickly and furiously that it physically hurt, straining against his chest. He held onto the banister harder, unable to feel his feet.

This was insane. It was bizarre; freakish. Sirens were predators, no matter what they looked like. Among other animals they were known to be predators of men, their beauty and their song derived from millennia of natural selection to bewitch their prey, sending their victims into a watery grave. They were incapable of thought or feeling. Only animal drive.

Rin’s hand brushed against Haru’s neck as he pulled Haru closer. Beneath his fingertips, Sousuke could make out three miniscule cut-like flaps on Haru’s luminescent skin. Gills.

They parted from each other and came back to earth. Rin’s cheeks were high and red, and he breathed heavily, but seemed less morose. Haru appeared much more unmoved, face blank, but he seemed relaxed and at ease, almost pleased at having helped Rin feel better.

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” Rin promised, and drew Haru towards his abdomen, into his embrace. Haru pillowed his head on Rin’s thigh, silky hair unfurling in Rin’s lap, staring blankly at the floor. At nothingness.

Or at least it would seem so. As Sousuke tried to regain command of his body — he wanted to flee as soon as he could move his legs — Haru’s gaze shifted abruptly as Rin held him. And his eyes landed on Sousuke, boring into Sousuke’s own, two resplendent beacons in the dark, like cut blue glass reflecting pure light in seawater. And they said, and Sousuke understood intuitively, _This is yours to bear too, now._

 

*

 

He was going to come, but Haru wouldn’t let him. He pulled back at the last second and planted gentle kisses down the side of his cock instead. His teeth weren’t sharp, they were normal, human-looking teeth, and Sousuke had never bothered to look in the inside of Haru’s mouth, so he wouldn’t know if this was because sirens only had sharp teeth as pre-adolescents. He hissed involuntarily at the fleeting contact as Haru’s fingers ghosted over him, wanting more.

He felt bad about this – bad, because Rin loved Haru, this creature before him, but Sousuke now shared a dalliance with it too. Bad, because he didn’t know if Haru knew what he was doing.

“We have to stop,” he said despite himself. “Rin loves you.”

“This isn’t real,” Haru said, stroking him languidly with slim fingers. “I love Rin, too. You know this.”

Then he motioned for Sousuke to come closer. Sousuke bent forward, and Haru leaned in and kissed him, throwing his arms around Sousuke’s neck. His small stature belied his strength, and his body was cool from being in the water, like marble. Beneath the surface, his tail brushed against Sousuke’s immersed legs, large, smooth scales grazing against his skin. It wrapped around Sousuke’s calves, like a snake curling around a defenceless rodent. Sousuke broke the kiss and pushed away. If Haru tugged any harder, Sousuke would fall in, and beneath was vast, infinite darkness.

“You should – rest,” he said. “Come to think of it,” he continued, confusion washing over him as he realised the fact, “I’ve never seen you asleep. Not in all of these years.”

“I do sleep. I sleep with my eyes open,” said Haru, unblinking, and Sousuke’s breath caught in his chest.

He woke up gasping for air. Immediately he realised that he was drenched, head to toe, in a sick, sticky sensation. His mouth tasted sour. He groped around his chest and found that his shirt was damp with sweat all the way through. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, he sat up and patted the bedclothes around him. Wet, as if he’d just spilled a glass of water on the mattress. He had no idea it was possible to sweat this much in his sleep. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, pulled at his boxers, and there it was – the telltale gluey discomfort of semen sandwiched between the fabric and his skin.

When he felt better, he got up and headed straight for the shower, careful not to wake his parents. He peeled off his clothes, disgusted with himself and mildly nauseous, and set the faucet to release scorchingly hot water, hot enough to blanch his skin raw. The glass door of the shower fogged up with steam in seconds.

It had been weeks since he last saw Rin. That night, after he’d stumbled back to Rin’s bedroom in confusion, there were several wild thoughts he felt the impulse to act on. He wanted to confront Rin, he wanted to pack his bags and leave immediately. But he did none of those, mind racing towards neverending indecision. He lay awake, pretending to be asleep when Rin returned an unknown period of time later, cold sweat beading his brow as the door creaked open. When he was certain that Rin had fallen asleep again, telltale snores emanating from his side of the room, he collected his things, waited till early morning to leave, and texted Rin to say that there was an emergency and that he had to go.

The tank was empty when he passed it by.

He had many questions, but he felt that he didn’t have the courage to find out the truth, at least not for the time being. He blew Rin off so many times that Rin had to have some idea of what was causing his absence. Eventually he’d have to ask about the nature of the relationship and when and how it happened. His mind ran wild with unfounded scenarios — Rin, growing up together with Haru day after day, year after year, only to realise that his affection as an owner had turned amorous over time; Haru, mistaking Rin’s affection for love, unknowingly returning what he thought were signals and complicating the situation; Rin, one day finding that Haru was more than something – someone – to be fed, groomed, and cared for in an enclosure; Haru, more intelligent than anybody ever gave him credit for, knowing that they were different but still yearning for Rin. Haru, thinking that love was a party trick, willingly performing at the right cues. With anybody who gave the right cues.

Whatever it was, Sousuke concluded that the biggest source of shock for him came from the fact that Rin had kept it a secret. Never mind the justifiability of the matter. That Rin had kept his most private, honest self hidden away and shown it only to Haru suggested that even if he thought that there was no wrongdoing, there was clearly some aspect of it that wasn’t yet ready to be publicly divulged. If he dug deeper, he supposed he could say that he felt betrayed. All those times he was together with the both of them, and nothing to suggest what was going on. Haru, perfectly dispassionate, Rin, wholly detached. That staunch insistence regarding Haru’s understanding of the world. It all made sense in context.

Then there was the matter of the wet dreams, which occurred every few nights with an ominously consistent frequency. He’d never felt any sexual desire for Haru despite the fact that Haru was, by virtue of his pedigree, a mesmerising specimen, but that was all that he thought of Haru – a specimen. Perhaps his subconscious was trying to reconcile what he often did with Rin with what he witnessed that night. But that there could be a logical reason behind those dreams did not make his quandary any less undesirable.

The days continued to pass. Exam season came up, and Sousuke was glad to have a reason not to have to face Rin yet. He was not sure he could successfully broach the issue without getting unduly emotional – would he get angry, disgusted, jealous? And how would Rin react; how hurt would he feel? They had had arguments before, as close friends were often wont to do. The longest they’d gone without talking was approximately three months, and that was over conflict much less volatile. Sousuke didn’t want the matter to destabilise their friendship.

“You never visit anymore, Sousuke-nii-chan,” Gou called one day, out of the blue. “Nii-chan pretends he is fine, but I know he’s getting lonely. Call him sometime, why don’t you?”

“Sorry,” Sousuke lied. “Got busy for a while there. I’ll get in touch when I’m not buried under all this work.”

“Don’t tell him I called, he’ll get sooo embarrassed,” Gou laughed, and hung up.

It turned out, after all, that he wouldn’t have to work through his hesitation. Days later his phone chimed as he dawdled on an essay. He stared at the notification on the lock screen, numb with disbelief. It was from Rin.

 _Dad passed,_ the text said. _There was a heavy storm during their expedition. The boats were wrecked._

Then another, minutes later, while Sousuke was still trying to process the information: _They’re taking Haru._

 

*

 

The typhoon had hit without warning. The weather forecast for that day had predicted light showers, and the winds were supposed to be breezy at best, but the expedition went sour when sudden gusts assailed the boats as they headed back to shore. The isles where the boats explored were known for their tranquil geography. That’s why people everywhere said it was a sign of the gods’ fury, of divine retribution – on the news, on the internet, in the gossip circles that manifested in workplaces and marketplaces and other such venues for socialisation. The Matsuoka empire had its fingers in every pie, and the deities that governed the oceans, incensed that humankind profited so much off their generous bounty, demanded restitution.

Sousuke didn’t attend the funeral. It was a private affair, open only to family and immediate relatives. The Matsuokas likely did not want the attention given the scale and repercussions of the mishap. He made a phone call to a worryingly taciturn Rin, telling him that he would be available to talk, to help out with anything that needed helping around the house, and to send his regards to his mother. Then he waited for a follow-up that never came, the guilt gnawing away at him for not having been there for Rin when such egregious loss occurred to him.

Rin gave little detail about either incident. It was likely that he was ill-equipped to handle both of them. The death of his father no doubt left the company in jeopardy, with the board scrambling to reassign executive functions. It had been years since Rin’s father had gone on an expedition, and this one in particular was meant to be symbolic in the face of the trade controversy. Several other senior staff had attended too. All perished. The governing body overseeing conservation matters swooped in, claiming that with Toraichi-san’s demise, all trading licences under his name had to be reviewed. As it was a non-transferrable licence attached to a single person – and Haru technically belonged to his estate, and none of the other members of his family – the status of the licence’s validity descended into limbo. Haru, no longer belonging to any particular owner, essentially became state property.

In the days that followed, Sousuke dreamt of Haru again one fevered night. This time, though they were in the attic, Sousuke was standing above the tank, and Haru was wading near the surface of the water. Only his head from the eyes up was visible, and he looked at Sousuke with a quietly reproachful gaze from under damp hair.

In the dream, Sousuke wasn’t able to communicate anything to Haru, try as he might. There was a lot he wanted to say, but he remained mute against his will, jaw locked shut as if someone had clamped the mandible in place. Why was something so nightmarish happening, he wanted to ask. Why were you at the centre of it? Was there anything the Matsuokas could have done to avert any of this? Would everything have been fine if Toraichi-san had never taken him home that day, years ago? It then struck him that Haru could not have known the answer to any of those questions, nonautonomous as he was, a creature captured from sea against his will.

The only thing that he could do was to stare wordlessly at Haru, hoping that what he thought could somehow be conveyed. There was nothing to indicate that Haru understood what he was thinking or doing, but even then, the exercise was a futile one. It was but a dream, and all Haru did was to look at him with those cool eyes before disappearing beneath the water. Light passing through aquamarine, just like what he’d seen that night. He was haunted by the image of it all through the day after he woke up.

 

*

 

It wasn’t until two weeks later that Rin finally invited Sousuke over for dinner. There was nothing atypical about the invitation, simply a message that said that they’d love to have him. Sousuke accepted. His stomach was cold with dread.

When he reached the gate, the security let him in on sight. The mansion, which once seemed so welcoming and familiar to Sousuke, now had an air of solemnity about it. He made his way into the hall. Since he was no stranger to the family, he would often enter the house by himself and look for Rin, though he did not expect Rin to be watching TV on the sofa, waiting for him.

He was right. The hall was empty and quiet. The first thing he laid eyes on, naturally, was the colossal tank that was the centrepiece of the home. It had once been a tranquil sight that greeted anybody who entered the house, and the visitor’s eyes would uncontrollably be drawn to the creature living in it. Haru, whose bright, shimmering tail seemed to act as its own source of light, illuminating the aquarium from within, who would regard anybody he didn’t recognise with an indifferent glare. Now, with only the few decorative fish swimming listlessly in it, the water seemed dull and tepid. Lifeless. It highlighted how big and empty the hall truly was with its newfound purposelessness, an enormous, carpeted cavern littered scantly with furniture.

“It’s you,” said a voice further up ahead. Sousuke tore his gaze away from the aquarium to search for the source. Makoto was walking down the hall, wearing plainclothes, his usual duffel slung over one shoulder.

“It’s been a while,” said Sousuke. “I didn’t know you were going to be here.”

“The tank still needs maintaining, despite everything that’s happened,” Makoto said, giving Sousuke his usual effusive smile, though now it seemed to be wan and melancholy. “I came in this afternoon. Was about to leave.”

Sousuke nodded. He didn’t know what else to talk about. As one of Haru’s primary caretakers, Makoto must have been consulted on the decision to take Haru away. Maybe he was even there that day, to facilitate the move. Sousuke wanted to ask if he knew anything more, but the matter seemed too grave to bring up, the timing too soon. He didn’t even think he was going to ask Rin about it that evening, not even to mention anything about his father or Haru unless prompted.

“I don’t think I ever mentioned why I do what I do,” Makoto volunteered. He gave the aquarium a faraway look, one fist clenched over the bag’s strap. “I grew up in a seaside town, so there tended to be frequent sightings of sirens. They get a bad rep because people can’t figure them out. But we never disturbed them and they us. For a few months when I was a child, there were newborns roaming our coast. One of them made the islet behind our local shrine his refuge. From time to time he would appear around its waters, circling the islet for hours on end, his head peeking out of the surface as he swam. Nobody knew why. Perhaps he was attached to it, or perhaps he had buried prey there.

“Sometimes, against the advice of my parents, I would wade out there secretly. It was too far a distance for me to swim, but I wanted to observe him at a closer distance. It was the first time I had seen one so young. He noticed me, but never approached me. Nor did he ever try to scare me away or attack me. We might have become friends if he had stayed longer. But that summer, after I came back from vacation with my family, he never showed up anymore. It must have taken me three months of standing at the coast, waiting, to realise that he had moved away, somehow. Somewhere bigger, where he could swim free, perhaps. I thought that if I worked in a related field, I might find him again someday.”

He turned back to Sousuke with that sad, kind smile again. It made Sousuke want to look away. “So that’s the story. Don’t know why I was suddenly reminded of it. I have to get going. See you again.”

After he left, Sousuke continued his search for Rin. He didn’t have to go far. He met Rin halfway while ascending the stairs.

Rin looked fine, if tired. But there was no good natured ribbing, none of the jovial greeting he would usually give Sousuke when they met up. Sousuke stood still, nervous. He was sure Rin had probably been confused and upset when he started avoiding him, and doubly so when he was not around when his support would have been most sorely needed.

“You’re just in time,” Rin said coolly, hands in his pockets, before Sousuke could put a word in edgewise. “You can go put your stuff in my room, and then we can head to dinner.”

“Sure,” Sousuke said, biting back the urge to say more. He wanted to apologise, but it wasn’t the right time. Perhaps after dinner, when they could talk things through in private.

Rin’s mother and Gou were already seated when Rin and Sousuke reached the dining room. Gou looked miserable, and her eyes, though dry, were swollen, but Miyako-san looked calm and composed. Sousuke greeted them, and he and Rin both took their places at the table.

“We prepared a spread today,” smiled Miyako-san. Sousuke had no idea how she could hold herself together this well. “It’s been quite a while since we saw you, Sousuke, so I’d say this counts as a special occasion.” It felt like a chastisement, though Sousuke was sure she did not mean it that way.

He inspected the dishes. There were many, all of them worthy of being the highlight of the meal — a plate of golden tempura, a hearty beef stew, thick, fluffy croquettes, all accompanied by an assortment of colourful pickles – but the star was undoubtedly a sashimi platter in the centre of the table. Plump, glossy slices of salmon, tuna, skipjack, and yellowtail sat next to one another, placed in an arrangement reminiscent of a bouquet of rosy flowers and embellished with glistening pearls of salmon roe. The fish looked impossibly fresh, ready to leap off the plate, as if it had been caught and prepared just minutes before. The everyman, when presented with food, often partakes with thanks, and the virtuous sacrifice of these animals called for homage.

“The fish is from today’s yield,” said Miyako-san as Sousuke looked at it, transfixed by how exquisite the dish was. Then she waited, as if waiting for his comments on it.

He reached out with his chopsticks hesitantly. Gou gave him a weak, watery smile as their eyes met, and Rin was staring blankly at no particular point on the table, eyes dark, lost in thought. Carefully, precariously, Sousuke picked up a piece, trying not to ruin the painstaking display.

“How is it?” Miyako-san asked, training keen eyes on him.

Sousuke chewed.

“Very sweet,” he said, but the soft, mushy texture of the raw fish coating the insides of his mouth like plasticine only made him want to hurl. He fought through it, and swallowed. A tang of steel lingered beneath the fat and creaminess, like a knife on his tongue. “It’s delicious.”

**Author's Note:**

> [ThetenthtenbeingofTen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetenthtenbeingofTen/pseuds/ThetenthtenbeingofTen) has drawn an [absolutely lovely Haru](https://www.deviantart.com/tenkamchi-sama/art/Merharu-aquarelle-753289351) based on this fic! ♥︎


End file.
